During my young childhood in the early 1950’s, when a child had an “imaginary friend”, or friends, it was a cause for parental concern — thanks, in no small part, to opinions expressed in Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care .
Written by Benjamin Spock, M.D., and Steven Parker, M.D., Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care was published in 1946. It quickly became, and remained, the second best-selling book, next to the Bible, for over 52 years — the “go to” reference for young parents who felt they needed professional guidance.
Unfortunately, Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care placed a burden of guilt on parents for their children’s “imaginary friends”. This, in itself, attached a stigma to these children, and placed blame on parents’ shoulders for what was clearly presented as a psychological abnormality caused by what parents did, or did not do properly:
- These children often need children their own age to play with.
- A parent should try to provide easygoing companionship for the children, including hugging and piggyback rides. They also should allow the children to share in parents’ jokes and friendly conversations.
- If the adults around (the children) are undemonstrative, the children will dream of comfy, understanding playmates as the hungry man dreams of chocolate bars.
- If the parents are always disapproving, the children will invent a wicked companion whom they can blame for the naughty things they have done or would like to do.
Although some of these statements may be good advice by themselves, when attached to “Imaginary Friends” with negative cause/effect inferences, they may have been responsible for common thinking that children with such friends might be troubled introverts — the more their “fantasies” were indulged, the more likely they would be to require professional help.
My mother was highly educated, loved research, and turned to books when she needed information. As a young mother, she bought into Dr. Spock’s thinking 100% — in this particular case, thank God for my father.
I was born in 1949 in Queens, NY. Although I have no recollection of my first two years in New York, I do vividly recall the house my parents rented, for a short time, on Derby Street in West Concord, MA — we had moved from NY because my father had taken a job in Boston as a sales rep. at WEEI radio, then part of CBS. It was 1952, I was three, and I remember four things about living in the house on Derby Street:
- I remember by bedroom vividly
- I remember my father backing out of the driveway and flattening my tricycle
- I remember my friend DooDoose
- I remember the Salt & Pepper River People
The Derby Street house was located just outside of West Concord Center, right across the street from the relatively narrow Assabet River.
DooDoose was a much older kid, who only had a shadowy, featureless shape at night, but was invisible during the day. He slept under my bed and his shadow would occasionally, and briefly, come out from under the bed, only to retreat back out of sight. My mother, when she’d come in to check on me, got so creeped out when I’d say, “Watch out. Don’t step on DooDoose!”, that nightly checking quickly became my father’s responsibility.
The Salt and Pepper River people, on the other hand, were visible — lighted shapes of people — a family of two adults and two children all holding hands — who each night came from the river into my room, through the window. They would appear at the bottom of my bedroom’s closet door, and slowly walk up the door, disappearing when they got to the top. Each night the father would say, “Will ya please pass the salt, Ma?” and she’d reply, “All I have is pepper, Pa.” Then Pa would chuckle and they’d disappear.
When I was four we moved to Acton, MA and The Salt and Pepper River People stayed behind in West Concord. I’ve always figured that their shapes were probably just car headlights shining through the window. But, their conversation has kind of made me wonder: It was 1952, just seven years after WWII ended — we had no TV as an influence. I didn’t call my mother “Ma” until I was ten, and I never called my father “Pa”. We weren’t in West Concord long enough for me to have any friends, so I didn’t know any kids who used the terms “Ma” and “Pa”. Then again, who knows where a child hears things that might register within their subconscious?
DooDoose did come with me to the new house in Acton. Here, I had friends and we’d take turns playing at each other’s houses (one at a time) with permission from all parents involved, of course. I never told my friends about DooDoose, but he was always with me, even when I was playing with them. DooDoose was with me when I played outside by myself at home. And, he continued to sleep under my bed at night.
After I was put to bed one night, I overheard my mother, in a soft voice, telling my father that she was concerned, and that they should possibly take me to see someone. I heard my father tell her not to worry, that I’d outgrow it. I had absolutely no idea what “take him to see someone” meant. I only knew, from the tone, that it couldn’t be a good thing.
My father got promoted and transferred to CBS Chicago when I was five, so we moved to Libertyville, IL, just north of Chicago. DooDoose stayed in Acton — we parted company forever.
It took more than 50 years for thinking to begin to change
For the most part, today’s professional opinions about children with “Imaginary Friends” is completely different from those of Dr. Spock’s half century of influence.
A 2004 study by University of Washington and University of Oregon psychologists showed that by age seven, 65% of children have an imaginary companion of some sort. A study from Latrobe University in Melbourne found that three to six year olds with imaginary friends were more creative and socially advanced.
One surprising article (to me), by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, phd, appeared in Psychology Today, Jan. 31, 2013:
One study that examined the diaries of adolescents, plus questionnaire data, concluded that socially competent and creative adolescents were most likely to create an imaginary friend, and this type of friend was not a substitution for relationships with real people. Adult fiction writers often talk about their characters taking on a life of their own, which may be an analogous process to children’s invisible friends.
Then there’s another theory all together — they aren’t imaginary
I have put “Imaginary friends” in quotes throughout this piece because not doing so would exclude any possibility that they aren’t imaginary at all.
The following is from a piece I found by Shaheen Mira, which was posted by Melissa Leath on April 30, 2013:
Befriending Spirit Guides (Imaginary friends aren’t make believe)
As a beautiful, glowing ember in the universe, your psychic child has a special connection to The Spirit World, meaning their celestial helpers are much more accessible to them. You may find your child talking and playing with an “imaginary friend”, or recounting elaborate stories with their “imaginary friend”.
This friend is probably not imaginary at all…it is his or her spirit guide! Pay attention to the stories, and the encounters your child is having with their friend. These details are not just make believe; they are very real things that your child is experiencing with his or her psychic senses.
What’s not is what’s important, not what is
By the time I was ten, my mother’s thinking would have evolved to believing that I had a special connection to The Spirit World. My father would have gravitated to research studies from University of Washington, University of Oregon, and Latrobe in Melbourne, saying, “see I was right”. My parents still would not have agreed.
What is important to me is that I have always looked back to a wonderful, imagination-filled, fun childhood. Both Doodoose and The Salt & Pepper River People were a small part of that childhood. I am grateful that my parents didn’t totally buy into the thinking at the time, and bring me to a “professional” who might have made me feel abnormal, or suggest that having my “imaginary friend” was somehow problematic.
I have to wonder how many children from my generation did get taken for “professional help”, thus stifling their imaginations and creativity? How many parents agonized over perceived failures that caused their children to have these psychological problems? Fifty years is a long time. Those numbers must be in the millions.
I also have to wonder how many different kinds of “normals” are being applied to young children today that may be stifling young imaginations and creativity.
Old Dude Journal® 